A friend’s grief

 

Shed tears today,

 

For the babe that was on its way

 

 

 

New life brings joy

 

Loss of that life leaves a hole

 

Loss of dreams

 

Loss of hopes

 

Lost to despair

 

?Will I ever heal

 

 

 

Death has torn from me

 

A life not yet revealed

 

A smile not yet seen

 

A feeling that was growing

 

Hopes, dreams, and many other things

 

 

 

The pain of delivery

 

The sadness of no hope

 

Enduring what has no reward at the end

 

No reason.  no answers. no laughter. nothing.

 

 

 

?Where is the justice

 

?Where is the love

 

?Where is the life

 

?Where is God

 

 

 

?Why

 

?What sense does this make

 

?What could be a purpose

 

?Was this all some cosmic mistake

 

 

 

Tears flow with little to stop them

 

Prayers flow with little to show

 

A babe was lost in the quietness of the womb

 

A life that had dreams, hopes and love connected

 

Cultural Verges

In our western, post modern culture we have few cultural verges, thresholds, that move us from child to adult. We have created new life stages, tween, teen, young adult, student, college age, adolescent. These stages are tracked mostly by grade or birthday. But, what is not tracked are the thresholds or the various verges we experience moving from childhood to adulthood.

Verges are the first time we do things…..drink, smoke, kiss, intercourse, drive, cheat, drugs, sneak out, sneak in, steal, etc. These verges go unspoken and yet create crisis. Not just crisis if they have a negative consequence, but if they also have “no” consequences. Of course, there are some less taboo verges. They are common, but less talked. For instance, being bullied, feeling isolated, feeling ugly, being rejected by another, experiencing death for the first time, etc.

We have a culture filled with new thresholds to cross and verges to explore. Sometimes we wonder if we will survive. Yet we have few rituals, celebrations or mentors that provide for us the assistance to grow and develop as verge upon verge happens.

Cultural vergenity is the adolescent journey that is traveled and often done in isolation and silence.

Discerning

So how do you view discerning God’s purpose for your life?   Are you the blueprint type?  God has laid it all out for you….you just have to find the correct path that he has laid out.   This usually means that there is a “best” or “correct” choice that keeps you in God’s will each time.   

Or maybe you see it more open-ended and that there are many options that are good and that you are in God’s will if you chose wisely.    As long as choices are good and healthy God would allow either choice.  This is the “wisdom” view of discerning.

I have recently been made aware of a third option:   Jesus in real-time guiding you through the Spirit to discern the choice that is best.   This challenges the notion that everything is all laid out and you don’t have a say in the way things should go, you just have to trust and choose correctly [blueprint].  This also says that in a prayer-filled, scripture soaked, freedom of choice way, Jesus and the Holy Spirit will give you a specific answer to your question.    Not a “chose your own ending, it is all good” type option.   No this is a relational discerning.   The wisdom discerning concept feels like good parenting.   The specific answer in real time is what a friend, brother, spouse might response.  This is the voice of Jesus speaking to you, call it the “voice” option. 

This is a challenge to discerning because it says that Jesus cares about us deeply and will guide us.   God doesn’t give a specific plan to be followed or says all options that are good are right.   It means that in this moment in history, as I walk in a relationship with Jesus and a trust in the Counselor & Comforter, I will be able to discern what is best for me in this choice by listening to Jesus speak to me….head and heart. 

As I work with this new discerning practice, I find it touching my roots of grace and freedom in God.   I find it raising up my forgotten charismatic passions and convictions.   I find it challenging and calling forth my spiritual disciplines that I have learned bring true relational time with my God.   I also struggle with the conviction that, if Jesus in real-time [in a relationship with me] will guide me, I must stop relaying on “getting by” in prayer and meditation.  I have a commitment to conversation with Jesus much as I do with my spouse or my children.  I am called to invest.   

Discernment was easier when I could trust that where the Bible fell open was my guidance, and even if it wasn’t, the word is good so my choice is good.   To discern in relationship and responsibility calls me to maturity.   Do I really have to grow up?  By the grace of God I am called to know God and to know the heart of God.    Jesus, we need to talk.

Examination of faith

Today is an examination of faith. Today is a day where I hold onto the hope of the grace of God and his promise that nothing separates us from His love. Today is a day that I look back and look forward. Today my father died.

About 5 am today my dad died after having suffered…a triple by-pass 8 years ago and a series of strokes 5 years ago. His mind, body and spirit gave up the fight and he passed from this life to the eternal.

With this death, I ask if I believe in the unseparatedness [sorry, my invented word] that is promised in Romans 8. Is death something to be feared or something to be embraced? Isn’t death swallowed up and that which perishes is made imperishable? [I Cor. 15] Death is needed to transfer us from a life that is fragile, painful and at times hopeless – to a life that is perpetual.

My father knew a lot about pain, hopelessness and fragility in his final years. He was always a strong, bright and physical person, who both put his trust in God, but also wavered in faith. He had lost those things he counted on the most these last years and much of the time overlooked the gifts that still remained: my siblings and their families that cared for him.

I often think about the ending to Star Wars, Episode 6, Return of the Jedi. After Luke and his father have finally reconciled, and Anakin has saved his son from the Emperor and died…there is the Ewok celebration after the destruction of the 2nd Death star and Luke sees Obi Wan and Yoda there in there translucent form. Then, appearing as his former self, Anakin fades in and Luke seems comforted by knowing his father is with him [and the force]. I like to think of faith as giving us that same experience. We know our loved ones are with us and with the “Force,” together with God and the saints.

Death is a temporary divide, but also thin at times. I like to share what a Jesuit friend of mine said when my father’s father [my grandpa] died. He said “There are times where the veil between life and death is very thin and those who have passed want you to know they are okay.” I like to believe I experienced that with my grandfather. I hope to experience that now as well.

My dad is gone from this world. But he is not gone. I will hold onto, with special intention, the memories of him that are good and noble. I will work to let go of the memories that do me and his memory no good. But my real hope is, one day, I will be at a celebration and will again greet my father in his opaque and perpetual form and get to know my father as only God knew him.

May we live in faith that nothing separates us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Pain in the family

What happens when you have pain in your family? Not like someone broke an ankle or has a toothache. Those all can hurt….but what happens to the family with the pain of strained relationships? What happens when trust is eroded? Easy answer! Blame!

Hard answer….it takes time, but forgiveness.

Don’t get me wrong…I am not saying forgiveness is easy and time heals all wounds. It is hard to be patient and when forgiveness is involved, we often think it should be quick. For thousands of years the brokenness of the ones God called built up….Abraham, Jacob, Joseph’s brothers, the Israelites in the desert for 40 years, the people of Israel slaughter the thousands to conquer the “Promise Land.” God waited. A sheep there, a goat here, a dove thrown in for good measure….sacrifices. But forgiveness was God being patient. Forgiveness was God being faithful even when Israel was a whore.

Now I know I am a whore when it comes to my relationship with God. And I count on God forgiving me. But what does a family do with the hurt, the pain, the betrayal? Can we just say all is forgiven and live together? How do you relax in a home that has become unsafe? What does the wounded husband say; the betrayed wife; the crushed child; or the forgotten parent?

These are wounds that can be deeper than those of a friend. No pet can be sacrificed to hold out for future redemption. No simple “sorry” can restore what was lost or close an injury. The distance feels too great.

I would like to hear your reflections. I am surrounded by families with deep pain. My family has known pain. Your family may be in pain. How does pain get handled?

Anxiety

I do not live without fear. I have those things that I fear…hidden anxieties that cause me to “not” do things that would be fun and others that cause me to do things that are not fun. But what happens when those fears and anxieties overtake me?

Anxiety disorders are a growing cause of illness and one of the growing reasons people are seeking counseling.  Symptoms are:

• Difficulty concentrating
• Difficulty controlling worry
• Excess anxiety and worry that is out of proportion to the situation most of the time
• Excessive stomach/intestinal symptoms
• Fatigue
• Irritability
• Muscle tension — shakiness, headaches
• Restlessness or feeling keyed up or “on the edge”
• Sleep disturbance (difficulty falling or staying asleep; or restless, unsatisfying sleep)

I have run across a new anxiety disorder in the last several months.   Recently, I have heard at least 6 different stories about this modern anxiety disorder….”Fox News Anxiety Disorder.”   People watch this 24 hour news channel that reports “Fair & Balanced” news.   I haven’t run across a CNN version, but it may be out there too.   But what I keep hearing is that very bright and well read people are watching this channel hours a day and end up so caught up with national and international crisis’ and such a fear tinged tone that they begin to worry 24/7 about events way beyond their control.   They begin to fear what will be and what is happening.   The news is so overwhelming and it is being interpreted through a lens that is so dark that they begin to lose hope.  

Politics aside, this channel does what most news sources do….report the bad in the world.   Bad sells.   Positive is boring.   Even the religious station CBN and its 700 Club report things with fear the underlying tone of the “news.”   Is this just the “conservatives” view of the world or is there something more behind it?  

Politics is drama.  News is the ultimate in reality tv.   Fear is the best emotion for gaining committed viewers.   As humans we are seeking a world view that can give us answers.   Even a world view, on the left or right, that causes anxiety can still give us a feeling of control in the midst of being out of control.   You see fear is an addiction.   We get hooked on the adrenaline of fear.   We get caught in the cycle of worry.  We would rather be anxious and know the “truth” then to be at peace in ignorance.  

A good treatment for this disorder is to turn off the tv, stop listening to talk radio and read a good classic novel instead of new magazines and papers.   But also one has to ask the bigger question….am I really ever in control?   Is there really anything you can do to be in total or even partial control of what will happen.   Behind all the spin is the presumption of control.   “If only this leader, or that party, or this country was in control.”  We want someone to be in control….and ultimately we want to have control of what will happen to those we love.   But control is not something we have. 

It is really about where you put your trust.  Consider the Proverb 3:

 ²⁴ when you lie down, you will not be afraid;
       when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.

 ²⁵ Have no fear of sudden disaster
       or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked,

 ²⁶ for the LORD will be your confidence
       and will keep your foot from being snared.

Yes this is a different lens to view the world through.    But who is really in control? 

“Cast all your cares [anxieties] on Him, for he cares for you,”  Peter wrote.  I want to live a life that embraces the good.  I want to live a life that allows a cup to be filled…..not half empty or half full…..but filled with love and compassion.  But I have limits to what I can do…control….so I have to stop taking on what I can’t control and practice living and caring for those around me….loving my neighbor.   And when the awful happens in the world….be a neighbor to the larger world, but remember to also turn off the news and get back to living.  

May you learn to cast “all” your fears away and enjoy some sweet sleep!

Rich Ruler

Luke 18:22 & 23
“You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
23When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was a man of great wealth.
Most of us get into youth ministry because of the money. Most of us don’t care about money, so we are happy to do youth ministry. Which is the true answer?

I can admit that I did not seek a profession based on income. Passion drove me. So am I godly because of this passion vs. money? Those who know me know I am not.

I took my first call where there was a parsonage and a little cash….and we struggled. I remember going to the public health clinic for my daughter’s vaccinations. We know what it is to be “under the poverty line.” But poor does not equal godly. On the opposite end, I now am [in our denomination] one of the highest paid non-clergy youthworkers in the country. That is not a lot of money…but on our scale…baby I am at the top.

What happened to the rich young ruler when he left Jesus? Did he go shopping to ease the rejection [his rejecting Jesus’ call]? Did he get angry and justify his wealth by his generosity to the less fortune? Did he compare himself to his rich friends and say he was not “that rich or that bad?” Or did he leave discouraged, but continue to wrestle with the call to poverty? Did he begin by living more simply and being more generous? Did he change his attitude and his way of living?

Let’s say that the “rest of the story,” as Paul Harvey use to say, was this:

The rich ruler went home and talked it over with his wife. They both realized they were in debt and so invested in their things and money that they realized the ruler couldn’t afford to follow Jesus. He would have left his family in a bad way if he had just dropped everything and followed Jesus. So he used his power and wealth and first paid off his debts. Then he and his family did a huge yard sell and took all the proceeds and put the money into the kid’s college fund. He looked at his income and decided that if he sold everything of worth he had, invested the proceed, that his family could live simply off that for 3 years while he took off and followed the Rabbi Jesus. He gets this all done and goes to follow Jesus to tell him he sold it all and is ready to follow Jesus. What a great story!

He hears that Jesus is on his way to Jerusalem and heads there to find him. He gets to Jerusalem and there is a huge celebration. As he wades into the crowd he finds that they are welcoming Jesus with palm branches and praising him as he humbly rides a donkey into the city. Our ruler tries to find Jesus after his confrontation with the Pharisees, but that is easier said than done.

For three days our ruler tries to find Jesus. He did find Jesus in the outer temple court one day, but just as he was about to come up and talk to him, Jesus flips over a money changers table and went on a rampage through the court. Jesus’ disciples surrounded him and the ruler lost Jesus in the chaos.

Our ruler found himself questioning his choice. Who was this rabbi who he wanted to follow? Was he a fool for selling his life’s wealth and leaving his family for this man who was stirring up such trouble?

The rich ruler was giving it the rest of the week, then he would leave and go home and try to rebuild his life. But just in case he would wait. So he searched the city to find Jesus. On Thursday, he saw Jesus walking with his disciples and went to talk to him. But one of the disciples stopped him as he approached. Judas told the ruler that Jesus was off to celebrate the Passover and could not be bothered. Once again our ruler was put off.

Late that night word comes to the ruler that Jesus was arrested. In the next 24 hours our ruler suffers the greatest crisis of faith. This man he wanted to follow, who he had changed his whole life for….he was arrested, judged & condemned. Now he follows the same crowd who praised him on Sunday…they now jeer and mock him as he goes to his death. Our ruler could not watch. He went back to his lodgings and prepared to depart the following day. However, when Saturday morning arrived, the ruler could not function. He was so depressed and dejected. He felt the fool. He thought poverty would be his salvation. He thought his and his families sacrifice would prove to be his salvation. He slept most the day.

On Sunday morning he got up late and got on the road. As he traveled he met a disciple of Jesus. They both began discussing Jesus’ teaching, the last week’s events and finally his death and the stories of the missing body. As our ruler and his companion talked another man joined the two. This new companion started to explain the scriptures and how they spoke of Jesus’ life, death and resurrection. As the ruler and his companions came to Emmaus they all stopped for the night and broke bread together. As this third man sat at the table he turned to the ruler and said, “Treasures are not the goal, who you value is.” The ruler was stunned and about to ask him what he meant, when the stranger took bread, gave thanks and gave it to them. It was Jesus sitting with them! Jesus was then gone!

Of course the ruler and his companion were so excited that they returned to Jerusalem to tell the disciples about their encounter. As they spoke with the disciples Jesus appeared to them all. Now the ruler was finally with Jesus. He was with the disciples for the final days of instruction from Jesus. He was there when Jesus ascended. His journey brought him to the Treasure of Heaven.

Why do you live your life the way you do? What does money, possessions and “toys” mean to you? Does “selling all you have” call you to walk away from Jesus or to draw closer? Where is your treasure?

Change

The moment of change is the only poem.   – Adrienne Rich

I have not been able to blog anything because of transitions. Transitions in work, in life and in my own thinking. Don’t we all like transitions?

What if you woke up one day and couldn’t move? You want to, but just couldn’t? You went to sleep moving fine, but now you could not move your leg, your arm, your head. We would all hate that without question. We need to be able to move. Paralysis is a horrible condition and it is not something any of us would seek.

Yet transitions are often treated the same way, as hard and something to be avoided.  But it is really about moving….transitions are movements, passages or change. Sometime we like it…getting married, becoming a parent, starting an exciting new position. But other times, even good times, we also find change…moving…to be hard and something to avoid.   

But human development, in all areas of life, is about making transitions.   Facing a world that challenges your current place and choosing whether to change or fight to stand still.   It is like standing in the ocean surf up to your knees and trying to hold your place.   You have to move…and if you don’t, eventually the sand moves from under your feet and you are forced to adjust.  

I am on the other side of the transitions that have consumed my last 2 months.   I had the choice to (1)literally fight to keep things the same, (2) sink down in the surf of change [despair] and hope to survive [this is the passive] (3) or make the adjustments to my life and trust others…make decisions that consider my health, both mental & physical, and those things I value.    

Of course I took (3), because I made it sound the noblest.   But I have chosen differently before.  I have despaired and become depressed and angry.  I have fought to keep things the same too.   So when I choose health, values and trusting others it is a change…a movement for me.   My health has never motivated me much before.   Now health is key in me giving up something I love and had great hopes to continue doing.  Putting my trust in others has not been my forte, but here I am stepping across a line I can almost not believe I would ever cross again.  I also had to walk away the more exciting path and choose one that is a little more safe.   “Sellout!”  This is what it felt like, but then I saw that I sell nothing, only chose a roadless traveled by me.   It is not the wild path, the freer choice or the sexy adventure.    It is a path born of wisdom…not so much mine, but that which comes from listening to God and people who asked me to trust that they have my life as their concern.   

“Most people can look back over the years and identify a time and place at which their lives changed significantly. Whether by accident or design, these are the moments when, because of a readiness within us and a collaboration with events occurring around us, we are forced to seriously appraise ourselves and the conditions under which we live and to make certain choices that will affect the rest of our lives.”  – Frederick F. Flack

What has been key to me in transition?  Working through the values at this stage of my life journey, revisiting the idea of “call” and also not being so black and white…embracing the change.

The Way of love

How does a person not be selfish?
How does a person not let depression and/or anxiety control their life?

Give it away. When we believe we can hold onto things…control our life…manage the chaos…we are playing God and deceiving ourselves. Give up thinking your life is yours.

I have recently had a paid leave from ministry…..called a sabbatical. This is a gift…a great opportunity. But I found much of the last weeks I have spent in a wasteful way. I have focused on my needs. I have focused on the things in my life, ministry, relationships, that are not working. I took this gift and spent the time on me worrying and reacting to the worry.

I am lost. I am sad. I am tired. Ministry is not about being closer to God. It is about giving yourself to God and God calls us to lay down our lives for His sake. I took the gift of time and took myself off the table and told God he could have me back after I did a few things for me. Ask me how well that worked. “Foster, how well did that work?” FAIL!

The way of love is Jesus’ way. Not to fix the world or to convert people to Christianity. The way of love is God. God loves…that is God. When we head in the direction of control, power, management and fixes, we head in the wrong direction. When we love…with all our lives, time and possessions, we are in the way of love. God’s way. The life we will find is all we want….not in self-satisfaction, but in goodness, mercy, peace, joy and love!

From The Message, Corinthians 13
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Check out Charlie Peacock’s song “The Way of Love” as a way to reflect on this. Available on Itunes.

Convinced

Will the earth end in 2012? “For I am convinced,” is to be moved by argument or evidence to belief…

People are moved everyday by what they are convinced is true, will be true or they hope will come true. “I will be happy in my next relationship.” “I will weigh less after this diet.” “The next paycheck, toy or experience will make me happy.” We live daily by faith…belief..conviction.

I was walking out under a clear Idaho sky, with the sunlight just fading and the stars shining in a country town with no stop lights. That is where it hit me. I have lived most of my life by a set of convictions that is different. Or I should say, tried to live by a set of convictions, because one is never entirely successful or consistent.   I had spent a week-end with people that are living the small town life that is about family, God, country and simple pleasures.   They live with a conviction that made me ask, “What was my life about?”

I don’t have a lot of hobbies. I don’t buy lots of new toys. I don’t live from vacation to vacation. Is it I am less materialistic? Not in this case. I am thinking about this as more as what do you reach for. Not how much you have…but what in life do you reach for. A simple life of hobbies and vacations or a life that invests in people. 

Many people are convinced that living for some goal is the way to get what you want.  I am convinced that living for God is the goal, which translates into living for other peoples good.   “We have no condemnation….we are convinced,” according to Romans 8.   The two go together.  Because we are free from guilt and are loved by God, we can live for God and for those God loves.   This does not bring success, financial gain or happiness.   This brings us to God and God to others.    Or to say it with more theologically correctness, “Nothing will separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, so live in that love.”   

What are the convictions you are living by?